no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
