spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
