he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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