So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
