Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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