How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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