Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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