he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
