I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
