You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
