Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
