Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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