had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
