when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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