he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
