? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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