Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
