College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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