It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
