somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
