When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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