just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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