I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
