I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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