just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
