U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
