As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
