I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
