Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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