sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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