there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
