my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
