good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
