dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
