bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
