the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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