My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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