Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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