sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
