Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I am mentally ready for anal.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
