Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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