I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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