We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
