One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
