either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Sext me about skeletons
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
