Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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