i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
