Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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