Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
