Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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