Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
