He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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