if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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